Got a toothbrush?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
