She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize