i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
