the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
