I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
