My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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