you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
