So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
