When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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