how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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