If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
