Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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