May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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