Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
