did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
