Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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