So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize