so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
