this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
