woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
