If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
