so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
