I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize