Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
