Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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