He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
