Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
