Sponge bath it is.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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