Dual....:-)
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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