Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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