Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize