It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
