Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
