the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
