It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
