In the future we'll all be gay
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
