At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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