Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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