she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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