Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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