i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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