I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
