It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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