Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
