I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize