if i can run in heels then i can drive
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
