She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
