a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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