Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
wow bdsm is so cute
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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