Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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