haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
