It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
