They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize