11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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