I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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