Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize