Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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