my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize