Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
