you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize