dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
