Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
