I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
