You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
