Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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