we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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