i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
