Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
