Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
