Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
