Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
