I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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