My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
