Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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