I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the condom got lost in my hair
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
