She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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